Why emotional control matters — for both humans and horses

One of the most valuable lessons we teach during groundwork with horses is emotional control.

But these days, that term—emotional control—can raise eyebrows. It’s often misunderstood, sometimes even confused with emotional repression. And in today’s culture, that misunderstanding can make it seem like emotional control is a bad thing.

We live in an era where the importance of feeling emotions is finally being acknowledged. That’s a big shift from the centuries when people were taught—directly or subtly—that emotions were dangerous, shameful, or simply inconvenient. Many of us were raised by parents or grandparents who believed it was best to bottle things up, to “get on with it,” no matter how we felt inside.

We now know that approach doesn’t work. Suppressed emotions don’t disappear—they fester. At best, we lose touch with ourselves. At worst, unprocessed emotions can lead to anxiety, depression, or even physical illness. A few decades ago, the idea that chronic illness could be tied to repressed emotions seemed far-fetched. Today, many health professionals accept it as fact.

But like many cultural shifts, we’ve gone from one extreme to the other. Emotional repression has given way to emotional overflow. We’re often told to express everything, all the time, and to treat our emotions as if they must be acted upon simply because they exist.

That’s where emotional control comes in—and where we need to make an important distinction.

Feeling isn’t reacting

Emotions are important. They are messengers, signals from within that give us insight into our needs, our boundaries, and our desires. But feeling an emotion is not the same as reacting to it.

Emotional control doesn’t mean denying what you feel—it means learning how to respond with intention instead of reacting on impulse.

This skill isn’t innate. We’re born with the full spectrum of emotion but not with the tools to manage them. Emotional control is something we learn—like a muscle we train over time. And just like building physical strength, developing emotional strength requires practice, patience, and gradual exposure.

Think of it this way: you wouldn’t try to lift 100kg your first day in the gym. You’d start with small weights and build up slowly. The same principle applies to building emotional resilience.

So, what does this have to do with horses?

Horses, by their very nature, react instantly to their emotions. If they’re frightened, they flee. If they’re angry, they may kick or bite. These quick reactions are survival instincts—and they serve horses well in the wild.

But in a human world, that kind of emotional reactivity can be dangerous. A frightened horse can easily injure a handler without meaning to. A startled movement, a loud noise, or even a plastic bag caught in the wind can trigger a reaction.

This is why emotional control is crucial for horses that live and work with people. Not so they repress their emotions—but so they learn to pause, assess, and respond rather than react.

Emotional control helps horses in scary situations like an injection

From repression to empowerment

In traditional training, horses were often taught to suppress their instincts. Methods like flooding them with stimuli while limiting their ability to move would overwhelm the horse until it shut down. The result was a horse that appeared calm, but was actually in a state of learned helplessness—a dangerous and deeply unhealthy place to be.

Modern, relationship-based approaches take a different path. Our goal isn’t to dominate, but to empower. We want horses to stay connected to their emotions and learn how to manage their responses—just like we do.

How do we teach that?

We create small, carefully controlled moments of discomfort or uncertainty, always in a safe environment. The horse is guided through the challenge and given space to figure things out. Over time, they learn that they can handle emotional triggers without panicking or lashing out.

Groundwork is the ideal setting for this kind of teaching. On the ground, we can observe closely, communicate clearly, and establish trust. The key is gradual exposure—tiny challenges, repeated often, just like building a muscle.

This approach mirrors a technique often used in human psychology: exposing someone with a phobia to a fear-inducing stimulus in small, manageable doses. The result? Resilience, confidence, and calm.

One type of exercise that teaches emotional control

We grow too

One of the most beautiful things about working with horses in this way is that it transforms us as well.

At our centre, some students who come to learn groundwork have limited experience with horses. Naturally, they’re nervous, sometimes even afraid. But through guided sessions, they start to understand the horse’s body language, anticipate their movements, and build confidence. As they help the horse develop emotional control, they inevitably strengthen their own.

When we ask a horse to stay calm under pressure, we must do the same. We must be the steady presence they can rely on. In doing so, we deepen our own emotional awareness—and that’s powerful personal growth.

Trust deepens

The final reward in all of this? A stronger bond.

When you help a horse through a moment of fear or uncertainty, and they come out the other side feeling safe, it builds trust. Just like with humans—when someone helps us through a difficult moment with compassion and clarity, we feel closer to them. We remember their support. We trust them more.

Teaching emotional control—gently, gradually, respectfully—isn’t just good training. It’s the foundation for deeper connection, mutual respect, and shared growth. And it all starts from the ground, with groundwork.